you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
