If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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