Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
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Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize