Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
