maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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