her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
operation have a gay friend backfired
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
