I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
