i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
