I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
