I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
