It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
