i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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