Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
