I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
