Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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