So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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