You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
