You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
