Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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