so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
