Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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