Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
40s are totally the cure
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
