If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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