My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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