too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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