i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
