I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
