i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
