I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
