Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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