Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
