i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
