my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Farmville is her only friend.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
