I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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