Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
