Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
