We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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