never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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