wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
did i just pee glitter
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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