Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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