I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
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When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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