It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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