i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
