We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
