I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Farmville is her only friend.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
