Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
