he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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