She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
