Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
