She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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