im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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