Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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