and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Reggie can tackle my bush.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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