i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
send nudes
from the living room?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
