so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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