whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
