He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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