I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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