I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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