After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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