I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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