we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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