i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
