i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
