my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
