I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
