How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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