after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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